the D word (when the word divorce isn't one you grew up with)

By Nicole

My parents will have been married for 41 years. My entire experience of divorce was limited to a few couples who had a bitter separation followed by years of hardship (both for themselves and their children). So my divorce with Pat was strange for everyone, including me. Strange in the way that I don't have role models who do what we do.  But, navigating our way over the last couple of years, it turns out that we are figuring it out just fine. Last summer, my ex-mother-in-law visited from NY and said to my mother, "I don't get them, why they don't fight." My Mom said, "I  don't know but thank God they don't!" The only thing I can say is that we never really fought, it's just who we are. We both love our kids fiercely and when it comes to parenting, I couldn't do it this well without him! Our kids are young, we're in this together, married or divorced. Maybe that should be in the marriage vows ..." When we bring children in to the world we promise to both always both be there for them." You know the movie The Kids are All Right starring Annette Bening and Julianne Moore? We're a little like them. Well, I guess that's hard to explain since Pat and I aren't a married lesbian couple but we're untraditional in many ways and so you get my point. I may not have grown up using the 'D' word in any positive way whatsoever but when it comes to our kids, they really are alright (and maybe even a little better than that).


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